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Robbeh's Journal
Random thoughts and ideas to change my life
Recent Entries 
7th-Apr-2006 05:27 pm - Yep I Am Alive
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because i havn't posted for awhile......I want to give a song to Vince A.K.A. dfleprdfan So for you hun i give this with many hugggggggggs

Love, Robby

Bad Day
by Daniel Powter


Where is the moment we need at the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue skies fade to grey
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carryin' on

You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee to go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces everytime
And I don't need no carryin' on

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Well you need a blue sky holiday
The point is they laugh at what you say
And I don't need no carryin' on

You had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day

(Oh.. Holiday..)

Sometimes the system goes on the blink
And the whole thing turns out wrong
You might not make it back and you know
That you could be well oh that strong
And I'm not wrong

(yeah...)

So where is the passion when you need it the most
Oh you and I
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
You've seen what you like
And how does it feel for one more time
You had a bad day
You had a bad day
12th-Jan-2006 08:22 am - Movie Review
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---Brokeback Mountain
--I saw this movie last night with Darren and i have to say i wasn't impressed at all.
I guess i expected so much more after all the reviews i had read and stuff i'd seen. I felt as though the movie lacked in alot of areas and although the dialouge was good it was leaving alot unexplained. Jack and Ennis were terribly rough with each other. Now don't get me wrong i like some roughness at times too but that was like some serious forplay right there. They beat the crap outta each other half the time. (almost litterally) I guess i'd say i was dissapointed with the movie however the actors were great always enjoy me a naked Heath Ledger.
5th-Dec-2005 04:31 pm - To Darren
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To Darren With Much Love.....I Miss You ... I Miss Us....Love Robby...

Elton John-The One

I saw you dancing out the ocean
Running fast along the sand
A spirit born of earth and water
Fire flying from your hands

In the instant that you love someone
In the second that the hammer hits
Reality runs up your spine
And the pieces finally fit

And all I ever needed was the one
Like freedom fields where wild horses run
When stars collide like you and i
No shadows block the sun
You’re all I’ve ever needed
Baby you’re the one

There are caravans we follow
Drunken nights in dark hotels
When chances breathe between the silence
Where sex and love no longer gel

For each man in his time is cain
Until he walks along the beach
And sees his future in the water
A long lost heart within his reach

And all I ever needed was the one
Like freedom fields where wild horses run
When stars collide like you and i
No shadows block the sun
You’re all I’ve ever needed
Baby you’re the one

Just so you know i am more in love with you today then i think i ever have been. And being without you is killing me. We need to talk seriously. I Love you so much.
5th-Dec-2005 08:55 am - Heard A Song
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Yep heard it thought of Melissa...LMAO seems to always happen. At anyrate it was good and perfect i personally think it should be a major dedication to Angie but ahhhwell what can i do i am only one fag...LOL what does Rob know? Not too much as of late...So here you go hun at some point your gonna be singing this for her if you ain't already...*WINKS*

Nickelback-Do This Anymore
Left on an eastbound train, gone first thing this morning
Why's what's best for you, always the worst thing for me

When am I gonna learn? Why? Cause I'm tired of hating
When will it be your turn? Why? Cause I'm tired of waiting

No I don't, no I don't, no I don't
Well no I don't find faith in your forced feelings
Not fooled by your misleadings
Won't buy this line your selling
Tired of this lie your telling
I won't, I don't, no I won't do this anymore
I won't, I don't, no I won't do this anymore

She says I'm only tellin' half of it
That's probably coz there's only half worth tellin'
And every time I try to laugh it off
That's when you turn around and wind up yellin'

When am I gonna learn? Why? Cause I'm tired of hating
When will it be your turn? Why? Cause I'm tired of waiting

No I don't, no I don't, no I don't
No I don't find faith in your forced feelings
Not fooled by your misleadings
Won't buy this line your selling
Tired of this lie your telling
I won't, I don't no I won't do this anymore
I won't, I don't no I won't do this anymore

She says I'm only tellin' half of it
That's probably coz there's only half worth tellin'
And every time I try to laugh it off
That's when you turn around and wind up yellin'

When am I gonna learn? Why? Cause I'm tired of hating
When will it be your turn? Why? Cause I'm tired of waiting

No I don't, no I don't, no I don't
No I don't find faith in your forced feelings
Not fooled by your misleadings
Won't buy this line your selling
Tired of this lie your telling
I won't, I don't no I won't do this anymore
I won't, I don't no I won't do this anymore

If Everyone CaredCollapse )
20th-Oct-2005 11:11 am - What Were You Thinking?
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What Were You Thinking?
----Seems to be the question everyone has asked me over the last few days. To be honest Paul's and my choice to get married without anyone there was made based on the fact that there is so much damn tention between Darren and I. The fact he was supposed to be there and stand up with me was making me think that I was asking him to do something he really wasn't able to do. For the record as I always said there is 3 sides to every story. And as of late Darren and Phil have exagerated what has happened. There was an altercation between Darren and myself and yes it was at Phil's house. But what was left out was the fact that Darren and I were discussing "US" as in the sense why we weren't together. I don't want to make Darren sound like the bad guy here because I was just as much to fault as he was I should have walked away but I didn't and that was my mistake.
---Unfortunatly for those who are close to us I.E Paul,Phil and Melissa they have been dragged on this drama filled rollercoaster ride with no end in site. There is so much Love, Anger, Hurt and dissapointment between darren and myself lately and in our attempt to keep a 22 year long friendship we have hurt others around us. It is evident to at least myself that Darren and I cannot for whatever reasons maintain a friendship. As in every attempt we made it ended up in jealousy on one or the other's part (yes I am guilty of this too). And then the fight is on and it always turns into a who can hurt who more. Darren honestly we act like kids and that's seriously sad.
---In life we take the blessings that are bestowed upon us and shower ourselves in the goodness we have. maybe it only lasts for a brief amount of time but when it is there it is something glorious. I feel that in transition between my Love Kevin and Love Darren I lost so much of what was important. My fear that Darren too would leave my life suddenly and i would again be alone was what made our relationship so stressfull. I harboured that fear and made life unbearable for him and he acted out. Darren is absolutely right I do feel the need to control that which resides in my environment. I do this because at least if i have control of what happens maybe next time I wont loose that which is so precious to me. I smothered Darren and I realize I did, I was so afraid of loosing him. But that fear is what has brought us to where we are today. Would I have done anything different? probibly not.
---Darren us being happy is what is important and I have found my happyness with Paul. And I am rather sure you have yours with Phil. We have had some wonderful times and alot of great memories. But there comes a time when the fighting and hurt is too much. You live your life knowing that you made the choices you did to better yourself and that no matter what you were never wrong. When it pertains to your own emotional state you could never be wrong. I am sorry that I wasn't more understanding and accomodating to your needs. But know this everytime you look in my eyes your going to see that burning love and desire I always had for you. Be happy darren and well and most of all enjoy being in love you deserve it.

One Last Song For you Darren....
Chicago-Look Away
Well, you called me up this morning
Told me 'bout the new love that you found
Said, "I'm happy for you. I'm really happy for you."
Found someone else, I guess I won't be coming 'round
I guess it's over, baby
It's really over, baby,
And from what you're saying
I know you've gotten over me
It'll never be the way it used to be
So if it's gotta be this way
Don't worry, baby, I can take the news okay

But if you see me walking by, and the tears are in my eyes,
Look away, baby, look away.
If we meet on the street some day, and I don't know what to say,
Look away, baby, look away.
Don't look at me, I don't want you to see me this way.

When we both agreed as lovers
We were better off as friends
That's how it had to be
Yeah, that's how it had to be
I tell you I'm fine, but sometimes I just pretend
Wish you were holding me, wish you were still holding me,
I just never thought
That I would be replaced so soon
I wasn't prepared to hear those words from you
I know I wanted to be free
Yeah, baby this is how we wanted it to be

But if you see me walking by, and the tears are in my eyes,
Look away, baby, look away.
And if we meet on the street some day, and I don't know what to say,
Look away, baby, look away.
Don't look at me, I don't want you to see me this way.

If you see me walking by, and the tears are in my eyes,
Look away, baby, look away.
And if we meet on the street some day, and I don't know what to say,
Look away, baby, look away.
Don't look at me, I don't want you to see me this way.

If you see me walking by, and the tears are in my eyes,
Look away, baby, look away.Don't look at me, I don't want you to see me.

Well, you called me up this morning
Told me 'bout the new love that you found
I said, "I'm happy for you. I'm really happy for you."



With Loving Arms Wrapped Around You, Robby
12th-Oct-2005 02:55 pm(no subject)
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My Survey Answers
MECollapse )
12th-Oct-2005 02:49 pm - Take This I Wanna Know
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Random Thoughts
Name
Sex
Are You In Love?
If Yes With Who?
How Do They Make You Feel?
What's Thier Best Quality?
What's Their Worst Quality?
On A Scale Of One To Ten Rank Them (One Being The Worst)
What's Your Pet Peeve?
How Compatible Are You And Your Current Spouse?
What's Your Favorite Sexual Position?
What's Your Kinky Fetish?
What's Your Sexual Fantasy?
Gay, Straight or Bi?
Pick A Song That Tells How You feel About Your Significant Other When They Are Around.
What T.V. Actor/Actress Do You Think Your Most Like?
What T.V. Sitcom Most Resembles Your Life?
If Your Life Was A Movie What Would It Be Called?
What Type of Movie Would It Be? ( Comedy,Horror,Drama )
Who Would They Cast As You?
Pick A Number................
What's Your Best Feature?
Favorite Channel?
Boxers or Briefs?
Hobby?
Waiting For That Star To Fall?
Got Pride?
Are You Happy?
What Makes You Happy?

CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!
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The \\
Last Cigarette:don't smoke
Last Alcoholic Drink:don't drink alcahol
Last Car Ride:this morning
Last Kiss:about 2 mins ago
Last Good Cry:last weekend
Last Library Book:don't remember
Last book bought:harry potter and the chamber of secrets
Last Book Read:harry potter
Last Movie Seen in Theatres:flight plan
Last Movie Rented:The forgotten
Last Cuss Word Uttered:shit
Last Beverage Drank:water
Last Food Consumed:salad
Last Crush:Paul
Last Phone Call:darren
Last TV Show Watched:CSI
Last Time Showered:this morning
Last Shoes Worn:dress shoues
Last CD Played:elton john's greates hits
Last Item Bought:sub woofer for the car
Last Download:files for work
Last Annoyance:boyfriend's son
Last Disappointment:darren...need i say more?
Last Soda Drank:dr. pepper
Last Thing Written:signed my name
Last Key Used:house key
Last Words Spoken:i love you too (too paulo)
Last Sleep:this morning cat napped
Last Ice Cream Eaten:don't eat ice cream
Last Chair Sat In:computer chair
Last Webpage Visited:livejournal.com

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12th-Oct-2005 02:28 pm - I Did It
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Who Is You........Okay What Ya Like!
NameRob
Birthdate7-15-77
Favorite ColorRed
Favorite CarH2
Favorite MovieI like so many..Ummmmmmm......Face Off
Favorite T.V. ShowQueer As Folk
Favorite Rock BandElton John
Favorite Song (Pick One)Goodbye Yellow Brick Road
Favorite CartoonNone
Favorite Day Of The WeekFriday
Favorite FoodItalian
Pick One Guy Real Or Fictional You'd Like To Spend The Rest Of Your Life WithPaul
Pick One Girl Real Or Fictional You'd Like To Spend The Rest Of Your Life WithMelissa (Vyle)
Where Would You Live?On A Deserted Island
Best FriendDarren
Favorite ActorJohn Travolta/Sean Connery
Favorite ActressHelen Hunt
Ballad Or Heavy Metal?Ballad
Thought On Men KissingDepends On Who I Am Kissing
If You Weren't You Who WOuld You Wanna Be?If I wasn't Me I'd Wanna Be Me
Type Of Computer Currently UsingSony Viao
How Many Icons Are On Your Desktop?32
Name 5 Bands That Should Tour TogetherElton John, Cher, Rod Stewart, Jewel and Fleetwood Mac
Thought On Sebastian Bach.........I'd Do Him
Welcome To My Nightmare...................Alice Cooper?
Favorite Horror MovieThe Exorcist
Favorite Comedy MovieWithout A Paddle
Favorite Sappy Love DramaBeaches
Romeo Or Juliet?Romeo

CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!
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....Darren first off i never said moving on was easy and for that matter it was hard to let go of you and all the hopes i had for our future together. You were a breath of fresh air when i needed it so badly and in one moment took it all away. I don't think that you did what you did with malicious intent or the need to hurt me i do however believe you did it with a false understanding from listening to another and not yourself. Knowing well in fact how i would take it. We can't change the past all we can do is learn from it and hopefully not make the same mistakes in the future.
......You too have given me many days of happyness and hope and love to fill my life with such a great joy is worth something in itself. If you remember right i was ready to give it all up when you arrived and helped pull me through my darkest time in my life...for that alone i thank you. But darren although i can forgive you for hurting me and crushing my heart i can never forget that you did it. I would love to sit here and say yes Darren let's try this again let's try to work on us but i just can't. I feel that to do that i would live misserably i would be constantly wondering and never knowing. I don't want you to get the impression that what you did was okay and no matter what you do i will always be okay and that you can never do wrong by me because you can and have.
.....Darren i will always love you no matter what you do but i will not always trust you. Trust is a hard thing to get and even harder to keep. And when there is no trust there is nothing. I have always said that and you know this. By your actions you didn't stop me from loving you just trusting you and that is a hard thing to loose cause i can't possibly be in a relationship with you and not trust you and i am sorry if you feel differently.
.....Darren i have gone on and though you may not understand "how easy" it was for me...I will be the first to tell you it wasn't easy at all. I had a really hard time adapting to my life without Darren and for the first time in a long time it wasn't Rob and Dar. I go through photo albums and it is a reminder of my life with you and these pictures are now packed away with kevin. I have to let go of my ghosts to move foward Darren and i believe i have done that. i never once said that you were unwelcome in my life cause as i said we were friends before we still are now. I feel it is hard to let go of many years of a friendship and maybe we can salvage that much out of this. I only ask that you respect Paul as my boyfriend and understand that you don't turn my universe anymore. It isn't always about Darren with me anymore. And you need to let me be happy and support me as a friend if thats what you want. I understand how hard it is cause i am doing it myself. I Love You Darren...And I Always Will...
Loving you Forever, Robby

I Leave You With This Song.....

Lifehouse-Blind

I was young but I wasn't naive - I watched helpless as you turned around to leave - and still I have the pain I have to carry - a past so deep that even you could not bury if you tried - after all this time - I never thought we'd be here - never thought we'd be here - when my love for you was blind - but I couldn't make you see it - couldn't make you see it - that I loved you more than you'll ever know - and part of me died when I let you go - I would fall asleep - only in hopes of dreaming - that everything would be like it was before - but nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting - they disappear as reality is crashing to the floor - after all this time - I never thought we'd be here - never thought we'd be here - when my love for you was blind - but I couldn't make you see it - couldn't make you see it - that I loved you more than you'll ever know - and part of me died when I let you go - after all this why - would you ever wanna leave it - maybe you could not believe it - that my love for you was blind - but I couldn't make you see it - couldn't make you see it - that I loved you more than you will ever know - and part of me died when I let you go - and I loved you more than you'll ever know - and part of me died when I let you go
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